The founder of Morgan's Wings takes you on her journey


Read as our founder Jude shares her experiences of coping with miscarriage, as well as the trials and tribulations of setting up and running Morgan's Wings. 


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One year of morgans wings

It’s been a year since we started Morgan’s Wings and what a year it has been! It has been a huge learning curve and we have been constantly evolving and adapting the support we offer especially in these difficult times.  I wanted to write about how it has all gone, so here goes…


Why we started


Following our miscarriage in 2019, my husband and I recognised a gap in care and immediate support.


We wanted to provide parents in local hospitals who were going through miscarriage with an emergency hygiene care package to ensure that any overnight stay would be as comfortable as possible.


We also wanted to provide remembrance boxes to remember babies who gained their angel wings. Especially those who were miscarried as these babies often aren’t considered as requiring a memory box.


In addition to this we wanted to offer continuous support in the form of a befriending service, support groups and sessions to help with the bereavement process, self esteem and more. When it happened to us we had no idea where to turn for support.


Jan and Feb 2020


Having decided to set up a charity, we had no idea where to start.


We had decided to name our baby Morgan so it didn’t take us long to settle on Morgan’s Wings as a name. It is in tribute to the baby we lost, but also hints that by helping parents of other lost babies we are providing them with ‘wings’.


Next we worked with a close friend who had a background in graphic design to design our logo. I can’t tell you how many sets of wings we looked at! Through lots of meetings we tried different fonts, text sizes and wing types. After a lot of discussion we settled on our logo as it is today.


We started a Facebook group and shared it with our friends while asking them to share it with theirs.


Finally we set up a bank account, a website, and we started to think of fundraising events and support groups we could arrange. This included a launch party where we would auction off prizes, run some stalls and raffles as well as just celebrate what we were trying to achieve…but then….


March, April and May 2020


Covid-19 appeared and changed everything. Suddenly we were cancelling events and bookings for fundraising events and support groups and scratching our heads with what to do next.


Luckily we were still able to complete our first major fundraising and awareness event “March for Morgan”. We decided to run/walk 26 miles (the same distance as a marathon) throughout the month of March. We had some sponsors and did our first Facebook live videos which helped raise awareness and support, as well as giving us the chance to get used to filming ourselves.


At this point we were looking for content online and sharing that via our Facebook group to inform and support people, it wasn’t until mid April we started to create our own content.


In April we also filmed and published our first YouTube video on our Morgan’s Wings channel. This was a huge step out of our comfort zone!
I wrote a piece for Cardiff in lockdown about how the Coronavirus had affected me after my miscarriage and was thrilled when this was published. I also signed up to do an online course in loss and bereavement.


Word had started to spread and in May some other very brave parents decided to share their stories with us for publication to our website. Sharing in this way helps people who are going through it to realise that they are not alone.


In May we also created our ‘Certificates of Life’ to acknowledge that your baby existed and was important. We shared a post on a miscarriage support page and we ended up producing 61 certificates in one week for families all over the world including America, Canada, South Africa, England, Ireland and the Philippines! To order your free certificate of life please visit our Contact Us page.

An example of a certificate of life

June, July and August 2020


June saw the exciting news that I had been accepted onto a counselling skills college course.


The popularity of the Certificates of Life led to an increase in our online supporters and commenters on our Facebook page.

We decided to start this blog, as another way to connect with our new audience and also to commemorate Morgan’s due date (which was in July)


Meanwhile in the background we were in contact with hospitals across South Wales to discuss our care packages and how to deliver them.

In August we made the first delivery of care packages to the Gwent Hospital in Newport and to Neville Hall hospital in Abergavenny.


What a moment that was! After all this was why we were originally set up, to provide care packages to local hospitals so that parents who were kept in overnight could be more comfortable.


August also saw a lot of planning for Baby Loss Awareness Week in October.  

Some of the care packages we delivered to hospitals

September, October and November 2020


In September we worked with some local funeral homes to encourage them to commemorate Baby Loss Awareness Week.


That work led us to Coles Funeral Home who agreed to put up a memorial tree in their lobby area. We were able to raise some money by selling stars and hearts that people could use to commemorate their lost babies and these were kindly displayed by Coles for us.


Then in mid October we were halted in our tracks, we’d had a second miscarriage and lost Baby Bee.


It just became too raw and difficult for us to focus on Morgan’s Wings at that time, although the support we received from the community we’d helped build was incredible and really helped get us through it.

A decoration in memory of Bee
Coles Funeral Directors lit up blue and pink for Baby Loss Awareness Week 2020

December 2020 – January 2021


In mid December we slowly started to pick up and we started to raise some funds with special Christmas novelty items for sale on our website.

We also saw the first anniversary of Morgan’s birth over Christmas which was especially difficult for us having gone through it again so recently with Bee.


With a new year though we recharged our batteries and dusted ourselves off. Since restarting we have made some changes to our shop, it is now on Facebook rather than our website, and we have continued to provide certificates to families all over the world who are affected by miscarriage.


Our social media following continues to grow along with our community and we are hoping to do some special things in 2021.


So what’s next for Morgan’s Wings?


We are looking forward to our first interview with “Why is this a podcast?” which you can see on YouTube.


We are planning to offer memory boxes for parents who have gone through a miscarriage.


We are dedicated to improving awareness and aim to make Baby Loss Awareness Week even bigger this year and are hoping to work with the local council and other charities to make this happen.


Our main target this year is to reach the benchmark of funds raised so that we can register as a charity. That target is £4000 so we will need all of the help we can get!


The first flagship event of the year is March for Morgan where we ask people to get sponsorship to complete a marathon distance across the month of March. Find out how you can get involved.

March for Morgan 2021

Thank you!


Finally we want to say a special thanks to the people who have helped us over the year. This includes people and companies who have donated raffle prizes, volunteers who have created items for us and others who have been instrumental in setting up Morgan’s Wings:


Our family!

Our graphic designer (who wishes to remain anonymous)

People who have donated items and/or bought raffle tickets or purchased from our shop

Alicia from Bodyshop at home

Cath

Lianne

Kendal

Coles Funeral Home

Diana

Maddie

Adam

Fiona

Matt at TSS

Mel at Boho Flames

Purple Poppadom

Got Beef

Robert Darke

David Lloyds


Appologies to anyone we may have missed out.


Here’s to a fantastic second year!!

New Year Well-being Planning tips

 

Our new year plan is not necessarily about making a new years resolution but looking at your life and ways that you can improve your well-being. This is not just for people who have had a miscarriage or a loss of any kind, it’s for anyone who wishes to improve their well-being going forward into 2021. So to go alongside our well-being plan we have written some tips to help you fill it out. You may find that some things go in more than one section and that’s ok. A lot of it will overlap because if your physical health improves you may see an improvement in your emotional health. In order to achieve things in one section, they may need to become a habit.

Blank Annual Well-being plan
Example Annual Well-being plan

To ensure you stick to the plan, put it somewhere you can see it every day. This may be on your fridge, next to your bed or in your diary.


Physical Health


In this section list the changes that you want to see in your physical health. This can be things such as becoming fitter, losing weight or eating healthily. You can then add how you are going to achieve these changes. For example under getting fit you may decide to join a gym (when they re-open) or walk 15,000 steps a day. Whatever you choose to put in this section make sure its achievable.

Jude and Geoff at the top of Pen-Y-Fan

Emotional Health


In this section list things that can boost your Emotional health. These can be things such as positive thinking, volunteering, meditating, reciting positive affirmations, anything that makes you feel good about yourself. If you are feeling low then this section can be particularly hard, you may need some help with this and it is ok to seek support from a counsellor to help change your way of thinking. We have a video (Dealing with negative thoughts) on our website that may be useful. Another way to boost your well-being is to listen to inspirational TED talks, read inspirational quotes. Get inspired and think of all the good things that you do.


Self care/me time


Self-care is not just about taking bubble baths and going for long walks in the countryside (although there is nothing wrong with this). It’s also about meeting your core needs, taking a break, and getting rid of things that don’t make you happy (Marie Kondo anyone?). In this section think about what makes you truly happy, is it spending time with your family? Is it travelling? Is it crafting? Are you doing enough of these things? If so great, if not, what is stopping you? What can you do to create more time for you to do these things? Could you get up an hour earlier? Could you take a sabbatical from work? It sounds like a cliché, but if there’s a will there’s a way (for most things anyway).

A beach

New Habits


I was once told that it takes 30 days for something to become a habit. So that’s 30 days of having to remember to do something before it becomes second nature. So in this section think about what habit you’d like to start going forward and also what you’d like to stop.

These could be things like starting a journal, doing yoga every day, stopping smoking, a no-spend month, less screen time.

A Journal

Have Fun!


This has got to be the best section. What can you do to have fun this year? I know that Covid has changed things for us all but that doesn’t mean that you can’t have fun. Some of the most fun I had this year was in the first lockdown in March, we had challenges every week such as a tiktok challenge where we had to learn a dance, we did a sports day and challenges such as den building, writing a rap etc. All this was done with the whole family and we did have great fun doing it. So in this section think about what you can do to have fun, is it to not take yourself so seriously? Can you get away for a few days? What about singing in the kitchen? You know you and what you can do to have fun.

View of the ocean and cliffs

Annual reflection


This is probably more apt if you have done a well-being plan previously, but take a moment to think about the last year. What did it look like for you? What areas can you improve on? What are you proud of?


I hope this helps you fill out your wellbeing plan and has a positive impact on your life. We’d love to see how you get on, so please take a photo and post on social media using the hashtag #wellbeingwithmorganswings


Wishing you all the very best for 2021.

Coping with Christmas after a loss


This Christmas will be especially hard on lots of people. In 2019 the recorded number of deaths for England and Wales were 530,841. Take into account the number of families mourning the loss of a baby and that figure soars. This year as a result of the pandemic many people will be facing a very different Christmas whilst also spending Christmas in isolation and grieving.


For me Christmas is all about family and this time last year we were so excited thinking that this year we would have Morgan with us. The thought of Christmas without our baby is incredibly sad.


We have put some tips together and although they are aimed at parents who have gone through a miscarriage they can help anyone who is grieving a loss to cope at Christmas.

a Christmas tree

Throw all expectations out of the window


You may be dreading Christmas without your baby but I often find the run up to the day (or anniversary) to be worse than the day itself but no one knows how the day itself is going to go, so if you have no expectations then you wont be disappointed. It may be useful to create a new Christmas tradition that involves your baby/babies.


Make a buy a Christmas decoration in memory of your baby


We have made these lovely little decorations in memory of our babies. It helps to know that they are near and are a part of our family despite the fact that they aren’t here.

Commemorative decoration

Talk about your baby


Just because your baby is no longer physically here it doesn’t mean that they aren’t part of your family. Talk about them, write them a letter.


Take time out for yourself


Christmas is already a stressful time of year and if you add grief on too you can be in for a bumpy ride. So with that in mind make sure that you really do take some time out for you to relax. Have a long soak, go for a run, read a book, whatever you do make sure it is for you.


Make a donation in memory of your baby


Many people like to donate a gift or some money to a charity in their baby’s name. If you would like to donate to Morgan’s Wings please do so.  Charities such as the Salvation Army have a Christmas present appeal


Visit a special place where you can remember your baby


Unfortunately due to the nature of miscarriages it is often the case that you will not have a grave site or a place where you have scattered ashes to visit but you can choose a place that is special to you and visit this special place to remember your baby.

a country view

Light a candle


Lighting a candle, sitting in silence and thinking about your baby can be a way to feel connected to them.

a candle

Post an e-card on Social Media


Some people like to post an e-card on social media to remember their baby.  Contact us to request an e-card


Reach out


Remember that you may feel alone at Christmas but there are others that you can talk to. Please don’t suffer in silence. We are here to help.

Baby Loss Awareness Week 2020

With Baby Loss Awareness Week just around the corner I thought I would take this opportunity to talk to you about Baby Loss Awareness week and how you can get involved. Baby Loss Awareness week is held on the 9th-15th October.

The annual awareness week, now in its 18th year, is an opportunity for bereaved parents, families and friends, to commemorate babies’ lives and break the silence around pregnancy and baby loss in the UK.


So how can you get involved? Lighting up Pink and Blue


You can get involved and help raise awareness of baby loss by decorating your home in blue and pink. This could be as simple as taping blue and pink tissue paper to your window or by lighting up your home in blue and pink using outdoor lighting.

Join in with the wave of light


Most people light a candle at 7pm on the15th October to join in the global Wave of Light. The global wave of light is an opportunity to join other bereaved parents and families to commemorate babies who left us too soon.


Sponsor a heart or star in your baby’s name


As part of baby loss awareness week we at Morgan’s Wings are working closely with Coles Funeral Home and James Summers in Cardiff. They both have a memorial tree that will be displayed during baby loss awareness week. If you would like to sponsor a heart or a star in memory of your baby to be displayed on these trees please have a look at our website or social media posts.

 Buy and wear your baby loss ribbon.


Our volunteers have been working hard to create these baby loss ribbons to help raise awareness. These ribbons are available from volunteers or from our online shop. All proceeds from the sale of these ribbons will help us support parents going through miscarriage.

Pregnancy, Alcohol and FASD


This is a post with a difference. As most of you know my normal blog posts are about miscarriage but today I am shaking it up a little to write about FASD.


September 9th 2020 is Foetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder Awareness Day. This is a day to raise awareness of the harm that drinking when pregnant can cause. This day was chosen (9/9) to represent the 9 months of pregnancy.


As with most disorders you cannot tell someone has FASD by looking at them. FASD is a disorder than can affect an unborn baby when the mother drinks alcohol while pregnant. These affects are lifelong. FASDs refer to a collection of diagnoses that represent the range of effects that can happen as a result of drinking alcohol while pregnant. NOFAS UK states on their website that “FASD is an umbrella term that covers Foetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS), Alcohol-Related Neurodevelopmental Disorder (ARND), Alcohol-Related Birth Defects (ARBD), Foetal Alcohol Effects (FAE) and partial Foetal Alcohol Syndrome (pFAS).”


Alcohol drank by the mother can pass through the umbilical cord and straight into the baby’s bloodstream. The baby’s liver cannot filter out the toxins and these toxins can affect the development of the baby especially the baby’s brain.


Characteristics of FASD can include:


  • A small head
  • Poor growth
  • Movement and balance problems
  • Heart problems
  • Kidney issues
  • Limb damage
  • Visual and auditory issues
  • Facial features, such as a flat nasal bridge, thin upper lip and a smooth philtrum (this is seen in less than 10% of those on the FASD Spectrum)
  • Hyperactivity
  • Social issues
  • Poor judgement/impulse control
  • Immaturity
  • Learning difficulties including forgetfulness
  • Concentration difficulties


A person with FASD may only have a couple of these characteristics whilst another person may have a lot of them.


Living with FASD


I spoke with a young adult who has been diagnosed with FASD. Jade told me that she can get angry easily, she can get very triggered over the slightest things. She will keep making mistakes and doesn’t really learn from it, she has little concept of cause and effect. She said “I argue with my fiancé and don’t realize it might cause a break up until he says it, and then I feel terrible because I failed to identify that my actions may cause repercussions.”

Pensive person looking out at water

“just because I think and behave differently, doesn’t mean I’m not human”


A teenager with ARND I spoke to said “I find it hard with my emotions, when I get angry, it’s hard to control it. I have to work harder at school, to put more effort in, to understand things like maths.”


Living with someone with FASD


I have spoken with a few parents of children with FASD and the consensus is that bringing up a child with FASD is hard and carries an enormous amount of guilt.


One parent disclosed how they are physically and emotionally attacked by their child for the littlest of things. Their child can be loving one moment and abusive the next with no real trigger. Their child will also attack siblings meaning that they can not be left in a room alone together.


“Having a child with FASD is like living with a 9 stone puppy! Our child is someone who brings a huge amount of joy into our world but who at the same time is frustrating as they will forget to brush their teeth or eat their lunch. As a consequence I have strict routines in place and we are working closely with the school to ensure that H is eating whilst in school.”


“I have to make sure my 13 year old is accompanied to and from school. The danger of her getting in a car with a stranger is very real. She has no awareness of danger.”


“My child wants to hug everyone and climb on their lap, it was cute when they were 4 but as a teenager now I need to constantly remind them that it is not appropriate.”


“My adopted daughter tells the most horrific lies, she told the school that I beat her with a saucepan. We were called in by the school and investigated by Children’s Services. Luckily they both determined that my child lied.”


Lots of parents of children diagnosed with FASD comment on the lies. Some people argue that the child doesn’t necessarily lie but more than likely tries to fill in missing pieces with information that they think is relevant or is wanted.


“I have to remind myself that my child has FASD. My child drives me up the wall, I tell her off for behaving in a certain way and then I feel guilty because I remember that she sees the world in a completely different way and probably didn’t understand what happened.”


It is estimated that at least 5% of the UK population has FASD. FASD is 100% preventable. Please do not even consider drinking whilst pregnant. With education we can get that figure much, much lower. I know that I was told (by a midwife) many moons ago that it was ok to drink near the end of the 9 months as the baby was fully developed. This is nonsense and needs to stop.


There is no cure for someone with FASD. There are medications that may help with the behavioural side of things. Many parents put strategies in place to help their children function on a day to day basis, referring to these strategies as an external brain. Many children with FASD may act half their age and can be vulnerable so need additional support both in school and at home.


For more information on FASD please visit NOFAS UK.


Miscarriage: The truth…it hurts!


For those of us who have gone through miscarriage this seems blindingly obvious but for those who have never suffered a miscarriage can they really know just how much it hurts, both mentally and physically? And for those that think it’s just a heavy period, read on! This is my experience including a number of visits to the EPAU.


So here it is, the thoughts and fears that I have undergone since that horrific day. My story is not unique, as many as 1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage but this doesn’t make it any easier to bear. For my full story visit our stories page or YouTube channel.


The beginning


I was 5 weeks pregnant when one morning I started bleeding, it was quite pale and very light but I was scared nonetheless. The thought of miscarrying hadn’t occurred to me until that moment. I had previously had a miscarriage but had gone on to have more children so I had just assumed it wouldn’t happen again. A week later we went to the Early Pregnancy Assessment Unit (EPAU) in Cardiff where a scan showed that everything was ok, a nice strong heartbeat. I cried tears of happiness and relief.


The next few weeks went along well, I had the usual pregnancy symptoms of nausea, tiredness, aching boobs etc. And although exhausted I was thrilled with my lot. I never suspected that I was still at risk from a miscarriage, after all we had seen the baby’s heart beating.

Jude and Geoff

It gets real


Then suddenly on 21st December, I started bleeding again, but this time it was very red and quite heavy. I started shaking and crying. I apologised to my husband, I felt guilty, like somehow this was my fault. We went to A&E and they booked me in for a scan on the Friday after Christmas.

Quote from Nelson Mandela

We went home numb, not knowing what to do. I was scared, my head was filled with questions. Would it be ok this time? Would the bleeding stop? I scoured the internet for positive stories. I read that 90% of women who bleed in early pregnancy go on to have a healthy baby – I clung to that fact (although in retrospect I don’t know how true that is and on a side note we double and triple check all facts before they go on our website).  


It gets worse


The next day I started having pains and this continued for most of that day and the next. Initially they were like period pains and gradually intensified until they felt like contractions, coming and going. On the Monday evening I suddenly became really hot, the pain seemed to stop and I felt what can only describe as a volcanic gushing of blood. And it didn’t stop. It was as this point, I knew without a shadow of a doubt, I had lost the baby.


We decided to ring an ambulance. I only live 5 minutes from the hospital but the blood was literally gurgling out of me at that time. I started feeling light headed and very scared. My husband said that my hands were icy cold and I began drifting in and out of consciousness. I really thought I was going to die. When I tried to stand I felt like I was going to collapse. My husband decided we could no longer wait for the ambulance and carried me to the car, leaving huge pools of blood behind.


We arrived at A&E. At this point I was so weak I could hardly hold my head up and I couldn’t think, I was still drifting in and out of consciousness, I just wanted to sleep. We were immediately rushed to resus. My blood pressure was dangerously low. They started treatment, I remembered that I started to feel freezing but I was beginning to come around, the bleeding had slowed down and my blood pressure wasn’t as dangerously low as it had been. I was told that I’d probably had a miscarriage and there was nothing left in my cervix. I was allowed to go home in the early hours of the next day but was told I still needed to attend the EPAU on the Friday.

a word cloud

Over the next few days we tried to get on with things, it was Christmas after all. The cramps had started back up, but they weren’t as intense as they’d been on the Monday and I was bleeding on and off and I thought this was normal. I tried to put a brave face on. It was so hard, I kept thinking of everything that had happened that week, we had gone from excitement and looking forward to the future to absolute heartbreak. I felt angry as everything around us carried on, Christmas came, the children laughed, family chatted over Christmas dinner and all I wanted to do was curl up in a ball and ignore it all.


But it wasn’t over


Friday morning arrived and we went to the EPAU for our appointment. I was scanned and told that my baby had stopped growing but that the sac and baby were in the cervix. I was shocked, I thought I had passed everything. My world came crashing down around me again! As a result, I ended up having a manual extraction, medical management and surgical management  as things just didn’t seem to be proceeding as expected.

Quote from Jude Davies

Whilst in hospital there were moments where I struggled to make a decision, I tried to block out what was happening, internally reciting flavours of soup for something to focus on. I felt numb, overwhelmed, sick and just incredibly sad and confused. I remember feeling embarrassed as they had had to cut my underwear off and the number of different people who had given me internal examinations and had to check to see what the flow was like. Is this really the time to be embarrassed?


After the operation I wasn’t in any physical pain and the bleeding had slowed down a lot. I was told that everything had gone ok.

A few hours later I was discharged and left with a prescription for iron tablets. I felt incredibly weak for days following the surgery and had to use a wheelchair when I dared to venture out of the house. I felt short of breath and had palpitations which I now know could have been symptoms of anxiety or anaemia or perhaps both.


Post Miscarriage


I did the pregnancy test 3 weeks after the operation and it was showing that I was 1-2 weeks pregnant. This hit me hard and I just cried with the enormity of what had happened and was still happening. I feel like the miscarriage took over a month to happen and the emotional impact is still ongoing 7 months later. As I write this I should be sitting here nursing my new born baby. I struggle when I see pregnancy announcements or birth announcements. I have to limit what I watch on TV, no more ‘Call the Midwife’. I am however, beginning to feel stronger. I still have days when I feel emotional and overwhelmed but these are getting fewer and farther apart.


I don’t just grieve the loss of my baby, but also for the hopes and dreams that we had. We will never know what colour hair or eyes our baby had. We will never hear our baby laugh, never see their gorgeous smile. We haven’t just lost a baby, we have lost the future that we saw ourselves having.


During my miscarriage I think I felt every negative emotion possible. You may have seen the Kubler- Ross Grief Cycle:

Kubler-Ross Grief Cycle

https://www.psycom.net/depression.centra 1


This looks very neat and tidy. I imagine that their point is that you have to go through all these emotions in order to gain acceptance. And whilst I’m not dismissing their work, many people may see this and think, “that’s not how it works for me”.  My grief (and I imagine the grief of millions of people) looks more like this:

Jude Davies Grief Cycle

If you find yourself struggling with the emotions following a miscarriage, there is help available. Morgan’s Wings offer a talk support service, you can also seek support from other services such as your GP or visit Beam who offer therapy following grief and Cruse Bereavement Care.

Self-care after miscarriage


After miscarriage there will be times where your emotions are all over the place (and that is ok). This may be immediately after your miscarriage and last a few hours, weeks or even months or it may be further down the line. Whenever it happens it is important that you look after yourself, mentally, physically and spiritually. We have a well-being planner on our website that you can download and use.


So how do I do that?

Ways to look after yourself

Here is a list of 8 ways that you can look after yourself after the loss of a baby: 


1. Let people know what you want


Not everyone will have shared the news of their pregnancy and may not feel the need to share the news of their miscarriage. Whatever you decide, make sure that you are doing what is best for you.


Some people prefer to be left alone and that is absolutely fine in the short term, but you may need a good support network around you over the coming weeks and it is a good idea to let those closest to you know what you are going through.


Some people prefer help and support immediately and that is ok too but try not to rely on the support of family and friends for too long term.


Whatever you need make sure that you are clear.  It can be helpful to send a group message especially if you’d like some privacy for a week or two.


2. Eat healthily


After miscarriage, you may be tempted to open a bottle of wine and eat your own bodyweight in chocolate and whilst these things are ok in moderation it is vital that you do not use these as a coping mechanism. Chocolate has been proven to increase serotonin levels which is responsible for feelings of well-being, but, in moderation. Miscarriage causes blood loss which can alter the minerals in your body. These will need to be replaced with lots of healthy food. Here are the type of foods you should be eating after miscarriage. Your body will need time to recover and the best way to speed that up is to ensure that you are getting plenty of water, vitamins and minerals in your diet.


3. Exercise


Your doctor will advise you on the best time to return to exercise.  Again exercise will raise your serotonin levels which in turn increases the feel good factor. You can start out with something gentle like yoga. Yoga is becoming more and more popular and can benefit the body and mind. There are some lovely Yoga ‘After Miscarriage’ videos on Youtube that are easy to follow and gentle. 

a yoga mat and block

Counselling


Counselling can be really helpful but unfortunately the waiting lists are generally quite long.  Speak to your employer who may have an employee access scheme. You can contact us at Morgan’s Wings for some talk support. Talk Support is currently available Monday—Friday 6pm—8pm and Saturday and Sunday from 4pm—6pm.


If you contact us outside of these hours we will try and get back to you as soon as possible.


Talk support is available on: 07706052048 or by emailing support@morgans-wings.co.uk


Let yourself feel grief


As counterproductive as this may sound, it is important that you don’t bury your grief as it will more than likely rear its head when you least expect it. Documenting your journey in a journal can be therapeutic. You can also buy baby loss journals that will help you by giving you prompts. Write a letter to your baby. This can be as simple as letting them know what has gone on since they’ve been gone or as detailed as all your feelings and emotions.

A diary and pen

Commemorate your baby


Miscarriage is unique in that there isn’t anything really tangible to remember your baby. There are lots of options to commemorate your baby after baby loss but the most important thing to remember is to be kind to yourself and do what feels right for you, your baby and your family. Here is a list of 10 ways to commemorate your baby.

Commemmoration balloons

Get Outdoors


Go for a walk or bike ride. We know it’s the last thing that you may feel like doing but being surrounded by nature has been proven to be good for your well-being.

A flowery meadow

Take time to rest


You have been through a lot and will need to recover both physically and mentally. Take time for you. This can be a bath, an afternoon nap, meditation, listening to music or even watching your favourite film (hopefully a comedy).


These are a few ways to look after yourself following a miscarriage. You can find more information on our facebook page where we post #selfcaresunday ideas and on Beam Therapy which includes lots of great videos and tips.

Eating healthily after miscarriage

by Catherine Washbrook (Registered Dietitian & member of the HCPC)


Catherine is a Registered Dietitian and has 27 years of experience in working with people in the community and hospitals to ensure rehab and recovery.

Strawberries

Appropriate nutrition is key to aid recovery and help maintain good overall health following a miscarriage. Your body will need time to recover and the best way to speed that up is to ensure that you keep well hydrated and aim for a well-balanced diet to provide all the vitamins and minerals you need. If your body lacks any of the vital nutrients, it can affect your energy, mood and brain function. Miscarriage causes blood loss which may increase your risk of anaemia


Comfort Eating


After miscarriage, you may be tempted to open a bottle of wine or eat your own bodyweight in chocolate and whilst these things are ok in moderation, they are a quick fix and long term may have a detrimental effect on your mood and weight. We have a chemical in our brain called serotonin, which improves how we feel and our mood. More serotonin may get to the brain when we eat carbohydrate rich foods, and hence ‘carbohydrate craving’ is linked with eating sweet foods to boost mood. Research is limited on the effects of high carbohydrate intakes on the improvement of mood. Chocolate has long since been considered a comfort food but this is more than likely to be a placebo effect not have any actual physiological effects.

Chocolate

What foods can help mood & health?

Table of foods effect on mood

(Source: https://www.bda.uk.com/uploads/assets/2f4bf991-0aaf-4d2c-8a56067a2055d9d7/Food-and-Mood-food-fact-sheet.pdf)


Catherine’s top 5 tips to aid recovery after miscarriage:


  1. Aim for 5 portions of fruit & vegetables per day (variety is the spice of life)
  2. Reduce your intake of ‘junk’ foods which contain trans ‘bad’ fats and have very little nutritional value, these include fast food and takeaways.
  3. Swap your snacks, try choosing a handful of nuts rather than crisps or biscuits.
  4. Drink fruit juice or water with meals rather than a cup of tea.
  5. Choose wholegrain varieties of bread and cereals.
The Eatwell G

(Source: https://www.nhs.uk/live-well/eat-well/the-eatwell-guide/)


So, if ever there was a time to eat healthily it is now. 5 top nutrition tips from a dietitian to aid recovery after miscarriage.

Quote from Jude Davies

Commemorating your baby after miscarriage

Commemmoration balloon

After miscarriage there are many dates that are triggers. One for me is my due date, which coincidentally is today. So I thought why not write my first blog on something that I know countless parents struggle with.


So how do you commemorate your baby on their due date?


There are lots of options to commemorate your baby after baby loss and I suppose each one has its pros and cons. But the most important thing to remember is to be kind to yourself and do what feels right for you, your baby and your family.

Tips on self care

Here are 10 ways that you could honour your baby:


1. Balloon release


We love the idea of a balloon release, there seems to be something really special about the balloons floating gently away. You can even write a note to your baby and attach the notes to the balloons.


Pros: All the family can be involved no matter where they are,  


Cons: Can be environmentally unfriendly, you may need to seek permission from your local authority, this is something that will be gone within minutes.

Balloon release

2. Make or buy a cake


I find baking a calming activity (and love the end goal) and why not light a candle and remember your baby before blowing it out.


Pros: Cake!, its inexpensive, you can do the same thing annually if you wish to and did I mention cake?


Cons: Calories! But in all seriousness, this is something that will be gone within a few hours/days.


3. Plant a flower, tree or shrub


Pros: Will grow and mature, can be easily visited. Can be permanent.


Cons: Can be subject to bugs that may harm your plant. You can’t take it with you when you move (if you have planted it in the ground).


4. Dedicate a tree or a bench


Some people like to dedicate a tree or a bench to a loved one. Visit:  https://bute-park.com/legacies-memorials/#trees to find out how you can dedicate a tree or a bench at Bute Park, Cardiff.


Pros: Trees will grow and mature, can be easily visited. Permanent. Someone else will care for the tree.


Cons: Can be subject to disease that may harm your tree. There may be a small chance that benches may be subject to vandalism.


5. Get a tattoo


Some people find having a tattoo a source of comfort. There are many ideas on Pinterest.


Pros: It is permanent, can include more than one baby, can be adapted to include future children, can be as subtle or as elaborate as you’d like


Cons: It is permanent, you need to find a good tattoo artist and have a clear idea what you want or be able to work with the artist to create something that you are happy with.


Some commemmorative tattoos

6. Get some jewellery


Jewellery can be a great way to commemorate your baby. There are jewellery sites that are dedicated to baby loss. You can get ashes turned into jewellery or you could put the ashes into urn necklaces.


Pros: Can be worn on days that suit you. No one else need know what the jewellery signifies if you don’t want them to.


Cons: Can be lost.


7. If you are crafty , why not make something for your baby such as a pebble frame?


Pros: Can be personalised exactly to suit you and your family.


Cons: Can be frustrating if, like me, you are not quite as crafty as you envisage.

Knitted hearts

8. Write a letter to your baby


This can be as simple as letting them know what has gone on since they’ve been gone or as detailed as all your feelings and emotions.


Pros: Can be quite cathartic and it’s something that can be done year after year. 


Cons: Can be quite emotional and may leave you feeling drained. 


9. Write your baby’s name on a pebble or shell while out walking or write your baby’s name in the sand.


Sometimes, just seeing your baby’s name can be a source of comfort. Why not take a permanent marker and go out for a walk and write your name on a few stones or shells (I don’t recommend graffitiing).


Pros: Can be a comfort, gets you out of the house. 


Cons: If you leave your stone or shell in nature, you probably will never find it again. The sea will wash away your ‘sand art’.

a shell with a name written on it
a shell with a name written on it
Certificate of life

10. Certificate of life


After miscarriage, some people struggle with the lack of something tangible. You can make a certificate of life yourself or order an e-copy via Morgan’s Wings free of charge.


Pros: You can keep it forever and it provides you with acknowledgement that your baby existed.

No matter what you choose to do to commemorate your baby after baby loss the most important thing to remember is to be kind to yourself and do what feels right for you, your baby and your family.